Quit Pills

Some lady had told me I should start taking pills, and she convinced me. It was supposed to help with my anxiety, and I feel like it kinda did. So that was nice.

It also made me a lot lazier, which was also pleasant, as I had just gotten into a song called Lazybones, and this allowed me to make a painting by the same name, a practice I used to do a lot. 

This laziness also gave me a couple of new hobbies I enjoyed. For example, I started lying on the floor staring at the ceiling, flavoring my now monotonous life.

But like all things, I knew that one day it must pass, and now it has. 

After a while, I started to believe that everything had become brighter again. Sometimes, I do feel like it has. However, at least as frequently, I feel like life moves on, and nothing ever changes.

Wooden Statue

So I found myself in some apartment with a bunch of statues and paintings of a kind you wouldn't usually see.

Art can be cool to observe, sometimes. But I needed to be in the mood, and there were 2 girls and an aged man, making it harder to get in that state of mind.

Of course, I tried -- because pictures don't compare to seeing a piece right in front of you, which allows viewing it from afar, up close, and all kinds of angles.

Then my eye landed on this statue, seemingly made from a single piece of wood, overseeing the room. It seemed peaceful, and for a statue, that shouldn't be surprising. 

But, and I agree with this assertion, the room was too full of statues. The aged man had no room to put the others. Knowing that fact allowed me to see through the calm act the statue had put on.

This scared the statue into playing lifeless. 

And now I regret exposing it.

I wanted to paint the feeling the statue gave me. Without being able to stare at it for a little longer, this was hard to achieve.

Finger Meets Mouth

This one morning, I woke up to my girlfriend not lying beside me in our bed. This was (only) a little confusing; I had not remembered her going (back) to Brussels, but as she does often enough, I figured I was still rather sleepy.

But the sun had called the morning, so it was time to get up -- when I heard strange noises from my kitchen: there must've been a monster.

And like a normal person, I weighed my options: escaping from my apartment to avoid a conflict or protecting my belongings from the demon.

When I finally, after a good half hour or so, mustered up the courage, all I found was my cute girlfriend.

She had awoken to an insatiable desire and had just cleaned our kitchen of anything palatable. So when she noticed me, she leaped to me, took my finger in her mouth, and well -- the rest I'll leave up to your imagination.

Double booked

Nothing about this story, even this sentence, actually happened, and neither is realistic. If anything in it sounds plausible -- you might not be real either.

So there's this couple who went on a trip to Ghent in Belgium, for which they had booked a hotel far in advance.

They had to walk to the hotel, which took about an hour. When they finally arrived, the receptionist apologetically explained: "I'm so sorry, but your room was double-booked." They were supposed to have gotten an email about it but hadn't.

Defeated, they went outside, sat down, and stared at the skeleton of an ancient town full of tourists like themselves.

They had to decide what to do but could not find other hotels. So, instead of making a hard choice, they sat still and stared. 

A couple of hours later, the receptionist asked them to move, but they did not respond, not out of rudeness but because they had lost the ability to do so.

They sat there for 12 years, slowly losing themselves further and further into the city until they disappeared. 

A Live House

I have a couple of critical questions for you. Please don't move on until you've answered them to yourself. 

When was the last time you genuinely thanked someone? I don't do it often enough—it's nice to be appreciated.

Well, you might've been able to answer that one, but when's the last time you genuinely thanked the stuff you own or the house you live in?

I never would, as I didn't believe they could appreciate the gesture, but I met a man with a story who changed my perspective. As I've already wasted your time with my exhausting questions, I'll keep his story short.

The man had lived in this house for the better part of his adult life, never batting an eye (as he assumed he was merely losing his mind), but slowly and more frequently, he heard the house starting to move, talk, and more worryingly: complain.

One time, when he came back from watching grass, the house was alive and well: the lights were on, music was playing, and the chimney was blowing large clouds.

And that's all he could figure out, as he was no longer allowed inside.

The waitress

Have you ever woken up unable to hear, smell, talk, or see well? I'd be more surprised if you've never. But what is rare is waking up with only one of those working.

I wouldn't be surprised if you don't believe me when I say that I woke up one day, and everyone I interacted with could only use one.

I could only see, and my girlfriend could only speak (which honestly doesn't seem far off the norm anyway.) 

This happened to our great annoyance while we were on a trip to Belgium. 

So, my girlfriend noticed a cute Thai restaurant, which made her very happy because she wanted to impress me by ordering her food in Thai.

The waitress came, and she could only see. My girlfriend enthusiastically ordered in Thai. I could never be sure, but she seemed to order the entire menu, telling many stories while the waitress patiently looked. 

I haven't the heart to tell her, but the waitress didn't understand any of it; she was from the Philippines (and could not hear anyway.)

Art about the Sint Jan cathedral in Den Bosch ('s-Hertogenbosch)

Sint Jan

The Netherlands is a small country, which allows me to say that I live in a big city about the small city I live in.

If I wanted to.

In this big/small city, there's a famous ancient building called the Sint Jan. I've had memories of it for as long as I can remember. Because of my disinterest, I still don't understand much about the building. Still, I used to not understand anything, only knowing it was beautiful.

Even though the building looks grand, being inside makes it seem even taller. If I didn't know any better (and I definitely don't), I'd assume it was. 

Someone should measure someday.

The building somewhat scares me, which is hard to explain: to me, it doesn't seem to be decorated; it's elegant, though everyone keeps talking about its impressive statues & decorations.

This is annoying because I have to pretend I see them as well, meaning I have to figure out pretentious ways to express my appreciation. It's scary because the building is supposed to be some kind of holy. 

I guess I'm going to hell.

Weird Girl

I'm one of those people with weird parents; when people look at me, I feel them (annoyingly, correctly) assume so.

But they're the good kind of weird, I promise. Their friends, the few they had, often turned out to be the bad kind. Many weird people are; the weirdness starts as fun, but when further explored, it quietly becomes evident that they're kinda dysfunctional. Weird people are somewhat of a gamble.

A lot of normal people, the older they get, see themself become more and more like their parents. Well, let me tell you, as a weird guy, this is also true for us. 

Like my parents, I prefer having few friends, and the ones I choose to spend time with are primarily weird. 

If you don't end up like your parents, you'll end up pretending to be their opposite. Hopefully, convincingly enough to one day trick yourself into forgetting it was an act.

Anyway, so this painting is about my new best friend, who's rather weird.

Now I get most people might call a lot of otherwise normal people weird because of a few things they do out-of-the-ordinary -- that's not the case here.

Are you wondering what makes her weird? I get that, but that's not what this painting is about.

Stolen Ice Cream

There's this girl who keeps showing up at my apartment. I'm not sure how she does it, but she keeps convincing me to let her in; she practically lives here now.

And some time ago, she convinced me to go to a theme park with her.

Which might not sound crazy to you -- but I hate theme parks. Maybe hate is a strong word, but I can entertain myself very well, so I would never choose to spend the money. 

But again, somehow, she figured out a way to manipulate me. When we arrived, I felt stupid as I feared every attraction. And you can guess it; she convinced me to join her in taking the rides anyway.

I don't know what it is.

After we finished the whole park, she asked if I wanted to get some ice cream. Nausously, I told her I was watching my weight but that she could get some herself.

So she got some ice cream. 

But she didn't even touch it much: she force-fed me until most of it was gone. Then she told me she was too full to finish the rest and that I had to finish it.

And so I did -- all she said she wanted was one last spoonful, with which she scooped all the ice cream until the only thing I had left was confusion about how I got into this situation in the first place.

Wish I learned something from this situation.

Drunk lady

How often do you act like you're a good person? This painting is about a day I did twice, or at least as far as I can remember, which I probably would as I generally remember any time I do something good for somebody (because I'm not a good person.)

The first good thing was picking up my girlfriend from the train station to walk home together (She thinks I do it for her, but I only do it because I like spending time with her.)

Anyway, while we were walking back, I was trying to be romantic (to manipulate her into liking me so she'll keep helping me clean) when I slipped and stumbled.

(Which made her rudely laugh uncontrollably.)

When I tried to recover from my failure, she noticed a drunken lady who had fallen from her bike. We rushed to help her. I couldn't but help -- so that's what I did.

She must've been Thai, as they started to talk in some foreign language, presumably gossiping. And she won't admit to what they were talking about. That's what I get for (pretending to be) good. Huh.

Well dressed homeless

Waking up in a bed that isn't yours, for whatever reason, to me at least, is a little disorienting. Even if I've been doing it daily for what feels like my whole life, it never gets easier.

Though, this morning, when I awoke, I felt something special. I'm not a spiritual person at all, but the brain can make you many feelings that evoke sympathy to any religious zealot.

And because it's 'just' a feeling, there's no way to rationalize it. So I went on with my day and put on my suit. The first mirror I found, I spent an hour looking in, after another of cleaning myself first.

Looking my (regular) best, I went to my favorite work spot and sat down to start. And as usual, people walked by, disregarding my desperate pleas.

Some greet me, others smile, but none give me what I want -- which shouldn't be surprising, yet the feeling present during my first hours made me expect change -- maybe I am more spiritual than I'd like to believe.

When I felt like giving up (my hope, not the job), I saw someone who made me feel weird again. The way he walked at me made me sense this was the day I'd finally get what I deserved.

He slowly walked, seemingly to me, and when he was within touching range, he waved and gave me 500 euros.

Which made me cry like I had never before. I felt like a little boy again. He said it wasn't a problem and I should use it wisely. I responded: thanks, I guess.

As he walked away, I understood we were both more disappointed than we had been in years: because we didn't get the praise we had anticipated, he for the money they could easily miss, and me for the stunning suit I had again put on.

Learning to wait

Anticipating something good is often almost as pleasing as the thing itself. Add in uncertainties about whether you'll receive anything and what you'll receive, and you've got significant parts of most addictions described.

But if the wait is too uncertain or prolonged, it can be one of the most agonizing experiences. It's better than waiting for something nasty, but it's close. 

For some reason, my girlfriend keeps telling me I have to learn to wait for something good. Though she lives in Belgium, and we only get to see each other on the weekend and have to wait to see each other frequently, I'm not sure what exactly she means.

Challenging questions can only be interesting for so long, and after a while, I lost interest. So, instead of starting a fight with my girlfriend, I have just been practicing to wait for something good to happen. 

Something too easy for me.

To challenge myself, I'm now trying to learn to wait for nothing. I've removed everything from my apartment that could give me any distractions: my computer, paint, books, and instruments.

Now, I happily wait in my chair for nothing to happen -- until I can't anymore.

Lost in translation (2)

This painting is about a girl who, like most people, was born in a world where she didn't understand the people around her but slowly learned.

Nothing is fascinating about that. It is very intriguing, actually, just not extraordinary at all.

But then, one day, (not so) out of nowhere (after taking a magical flying machine to the other side of the world), she lost the ability to communicate.

For months, she lived confused until she met me, a long-legged man who didn't understand much -- except that she was colorful.

And I wanted to capture that as quickly as I could. To better understand it and to make sure I would never lose it.

However, without saying anything, when I showed her the painting, she left me. I'm unsure what she meant by that. Perhaps seeing herself be understood scared her away, or maybe she was just offended by my portrayal of her.

That's all.

Lost in translation (1)

While walking through the beautiful Den Bosch, I frequently wonder about all the genius ideas people that pass me by are having. They don't know me, so they'd never tell me, and if they did, there's a big chance I wouldn't get it.

It's hard to explain interesting ideas sometimes. 

I knew this genius in high school, who could've solved many of the world's problems had he been motivated to (instead of solving obscure ones).

However, whenever he tried to explain his thoughts, his words came out in a language nobody else could understand. 

Maybe you don't understand how I knew he was a genius, but sometimes you know from the moment you see somebody. Yes, he could not communicate well through language, but the beautiful way he solved problems showed me enough.

Nobody else could see it. They all called him an idiot because he could not bring his mind to words. Thinking about him still makes me sad, and the worst part? To a lesser extent, this is true for everybody.

Bruges Is Dead

What's the craziest thing you've ever done for someone close to you? I like to see myself as very rational. I've got emotions, of course, but I don't drastically act on them much.

But when my girlfriend asked me to go on a small vacation to Bruges, I couldn't help but say yes. I know—very crazy stuff.

My girlfriend is pretty crazy as well. That's why I like her as much as I do. There's one thing, however, in which she is typical; she likes tourist cities.

And Bruges, the city she took me to, is one of those. It also, for large parts, has been stuck in time, seeming to only still exist to give people the feeling of being in such an old world.

That sounds cute. But nobody lived there. The only reason (that part of) the city exists is for theater -- this made me sad.

Life means change, and the most beautiful thing about a city is seeing how the great collection of humans keeps changing everything. Eventually, it could become hard to recognize the origins, but that's life.

Disabling my lights

At some point in my life, I decided I liked drinking coffee. I don't remember when that happened, and there are many things like it. 

I also developed a hatred for ads at some point, perhaps because I don't particularly appreciate feeling like the easily manipulated sucker I am. But I know that the right ad still manages to entice me occasionally.

For example, I bought these expensive Philips Hue light bulbs. Who knows why? I barely use the features they provide. It's overkill, but controlling my lamps from an app is pleasant. I suppose.

Somehow, these expensive lights keep turning off in a way that requires the manual light switch instead of the app to turn them back on.

When I was a young boy, probably until I was 20 years old, I was scared of monsters in my parents' house. But when I moved into my apartment, where I thought no monster ever could come and which was way smaller, I stopped being scared.

It took me months to figure out what was turning off my lights. To do so, I had decided to sit in the corner of my living room, dressed as a painting, with the lights on, and to wait and see when they would turn off.

And then it happened. The door opened, and my girlfriend, who I now realize might be a monster too, came in, used the light switch to turn off my lights, and walked away again.

I couldn't believe it. I still can't.

Rough Night

A ghost I met last night admitted to me their most devastating yet intimate story.

You see, most stories are lucky to be devastating OR intimate. Often, that is what makes them fascinating—a reality I don't believe I have to elaborate on.

But the ghost told me a more intimate AND devastating story than any you will hear otherwise.

Don't get me wrong, this was a heavily censored story, not for any reason except that I trust the ghost to have censored it themselves. Nobody, dead or alive, can admit to everything they've ever witnessed.

And like always, I'll keep it short, mostly because I fear I may have forgotten the story.

For which I give you my apologies. I owe you some good gossip, but to be fair, when was the last time you gave me some?

#690 Rough Night

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