#641 Boy in skirt

Vaguely, I remember a boy in a skirt at one point, lying on a couch, sleeping, sucking his thumb. I don't and can't know if it's true, but lying there, he looks so unbothered by it all, just living his life exactly how he wants, at least as far as a child can do whatever he wants. My parents try to...

#640 Locked out

Then I arrived "home" without even a keyfob in my possession. They took that away from me, too. I should've just rang the doorbell of one of my neighbors. It took about an hour for another resident to walk by, and from the moment I noticed them, I somehow sensed they would be using a different door...

#639 The keymaker

The apartment building I moved to has an electronic lock that needs a keyfob to open. I only received one, a fact that irritated me the day I moved in, but the rent is cheap, so it's hard to complain. One day, when I came home from a walk, the front door didn't open anymore, so I went to another th...

#638 Happily walking my life away

There are many ways you can travel to most locations you need to go, and there's only one almost universal: walking. Even though that's an intriguing idea, it doesn't influence my love for the transportation method much. Frankly, I struggle to understand why I love it so much -- I'm Dutch, so mayb...

#637 Finding meaning in anything

Only once was I ever depressed. My parents never recruited me into a religion, nor did they push me away absolutely, though probably more than they realize. They convinced me that there weren't any spiritual omniscient beings and that the idea was ridiculous, the latter coming naturally; if you'r...

#636 Blind Guy's World

In early February, I walked into the Citadel in Den Bosch to look at one of the great perspectives of the city. I sat down on a bench, listening to Echoes. A little later, a guy I had noticed a minute before found the bench. I assumed he also wanted to enjoy the view. ""I don't care much about th...

#635 Stairs At Night

Differences in light and visibility change scenes much, and not at all. It's easy to not care about impressive sights and, at the same time, to feel very passionate, maybe even emotional, about an ordinary backyard. More so than any changes in the atmosphere, it's a different mindset that can sudd...

#634 Looking All Ways With My Headphones On

When I'm about to walk homeward from my weekly visit, my mom, after I've just declined her offer to drive me back, says: ""Be careful, especially with those headphones on."" If I wanted to die, I wouldn't do it by walking off into traffic, so, of course, I'll make sure to be careful -- looking eve...

#633 Staring At My Incomplete Work

If you ever caught me like this, which you never could, it would be easy to assume that despair is tormenting me. Yes, I might be frustrated, but somehow, this is the most satisfying and worthwhile activity to pursue. Often, I complain about not having enough time (to work on my art). And this tak...

#632 Most Vivid Recent Memories Are dreams

Sometimes, while reflecting on my life, it's hard to determine how long certain aspects have been present. An example is that (maybe recently), throughout my day, I have some memory of an odd situation that only ever happened in my head. Yet such a memory often still feels as vivid as the memorie...

#631 Desiring Something You Don't Want

It's so easy, maybe too easy, to talk when I'm not thinking about it; words, sentences, and stories quickly and without restraint come out of me. Sometimes, I have to think about what to say. Then, I understand how the Buddhist monks do it -- because, it feels like, not even a letter or number come...

#630 Most Details Are Redundant

Most details in art (and life) are redundant. I probably only believe this because my work isn't that exact. Of course, my art does contain detail -- it's impossible not to have detail if you're portraying anything, especially if you've been doing it for a while. But when I think about 'detailed'...

#629 Need To Create Something Good

Inside of everyone, presumably, is an urge to do something meaningful. But instead, because I don't believe in meaning, I'm trying to make good art -- which, somehow, I've convinced myself is purpose. And I satisfy this urge probably any time I finish a piece, or at least in the following days whi...

#628 Bad Year Can't Complain

Comparing your state of mind from year to year seems nearly impossible. Last year might've been the worst year of my life (so far) because of some anxiety problems that now constantly seem present. It wouldn't surprise me if it were, but I'm uncertain how I could compare how I felt like as a 4, ...

#627 Even Sober Months Disappear

I'm sure that humans invented language in part so that they could better complain about time going fast. So here's the obvious: somehow, it feels like, at least when looking back, every couple of seconds, a day passes. Habits are something my brain likes. When I was using drugs, this also quickl...

#626 Another Bird Over Water

Don't remember or care where, but I noticed a bird flying over water. What a free creature. Do you think it understands the depths it's flying over with such ease? Few do. It reminded me of another time (the 16th of September, 2022) when I saw a similar bird flying over similar water, and I decide...

#625 Another Lonely New Year

It's almost 12. I look outside and see groups of people coming from their apartments. Out of nowhere, I feel lonely. The feeling wasn't wrong; I had been alone all day, if not all week, but I usually don't feel like it. Seeing those people reminded me of the parties I had been to in the past -- w...

#624 Haven't Seen The Sun In A While

It's not like I haven't been trying. (Almost) every day, she knocks on my windows, but when I go outside, all I can find are clouds and their tears. Maybe she's upset. In the summer, she worked long hours, seven days a week, but couldn't find me -- I was inside then. She gets too hot sometimes. ...

#623 High Water In Den Bosch

I don't know much about many things (like most people). How and why the water inside of Den Bosch goes up or down is one of those things. Recently, it rained a lot, maybe that's why? But it often rains, and the water rarely consumes the city. Anyway, so there was high water in Den Bosch, which I w...

#622 Finally alone

Being alone is fantastic. Or so I tell myself. I'm conflicted, as I refuse to engage in behavior that would result in me not being alone (because I don't want to do those things), but sometimes I get the urge to connect to others. Even then, it's challenging to be completely alone. In my apartmen...

#621 Parents In Mirror

The older I get, the more I start recognizing my parents in myself. I'm not even that old yet, so I fear the similarities will only get more apparent with time. Even though she might not like or admit it, the same is true for my sister. I'm sure there are many more positive similarities than nega...

#620 Are They Looking At You?

It's not paranoia, but whenever I'm out for a walk, it always feels like everyone is looking at me. I'm not the most normal-looking person, but I'm sure I'm not that special either. Then I start debating myself about whether what I'm feeling is normal. I can't be the only one who feels like peop...

#619 The Bowl

A while before I work on the ideas I develop into art pieces, I send them to myself using WhatsApp. I can only presume that this idea came while making breakfast using a bowl. I suppose I must've thought about how practical, and maybe even beautiful, the bowl was. And about how universal the tool i...

#618 Fruit

The family of my half-sister, Americans, had never eaten any vegetables or fruit in their lives. Instead, they opted for poor, sugary imitations. To one of my ancestors, and you don't have to go that far back, our everyday fruit might seem like imitations of theirs. But our selectively bred, more...

#617 Nails Keep Growing

For a human, many annoying things are certain. Among those, the obvious are breathing, hunger, thirst, tiredness, labor, rent, taxes, buying anything, and death. Anyone who does not experience all of those might be inside of a human body, but they're not human. In the same way, a church without God...